I think I did everything right… but why does my life feel so wrong?
A self-made first-generation immigrant questioning if they have made the right choices in life.
“
I was always the smart kid growing up. I studied hard, aced the college entrance exam, got into a top university, chose a high-return major, and landed a job at FAANG right after graduation. I got my green card, got married, and bought a multimillion-dollar home in Silicon Valley. It seems like I did everything right.
But in reality, my life feels like a loop. Just work and home, day in and day out. After the mortgage, household expenses, and spending on kids, there's barely anything left for me. I still feel like I don’t have enough to truly live a good life. Recently, even the idea of vacation doesn’t excite me anymore. I feel trapped.
Going back to my home country isn’t really an option either, as there just aren’t any roles that fit what I’ve built here. And often, I feel a deep loneliness, like happiness is always just out of reach.
So I wonder: if I did everything “right,” why does it still feel so wrong? Did I take a wrong turn somewhere along the way? Where exactly did I go wrong in my life?
”
My dear friend,
Yes, you did everything “right.” And I hear the deep ache between the lines of your story. From the outside, it looks like the dream: top school, top job, family, home. But inside, it feels like something vital is missing. And you’re not alone in that feeling.
The truth is, sometimes doing everything "right" means we end up living a life that’s not truly ours. We follow the path that’s safest, most praised, most awarded, most secure, because that’s what we were taught success looks like. Especially for those of us who grew up being “the smart one,” we learned to chase gold stars and external approval. We learned to avoid risky paths so that we never lose our “smart kid” identity. We learned to stay in our lane. However, when we protect ourselves from the risk of failure, we also protect ourselves from the possibility of real growth, connection, love, and fulfilling our deepest desires. And slowly, quietly, we started shrinking the space where our own voice, our own desire, our own curiosity could live. So I want to ask you: What if this version of success isn’t the whole story? What if I tell you that you are here not to conform to social norms but to create a life that is uniquely yours? What if you’ve outgrown the life that once made sense for you, and it’s time now to listen to the part of yourself that’s been whispering all along?
You are not trapped, my friend. You are not too late. And you are not broken. You are waking up. That deep loneliness you feel? That quiet dissatisfaction? That’s your soul trying to get your attention. It’s asking you to go deeper. To get curious. To get honest. To let go of the identity that was built to impress and start building a life that FEELs like home.
Let that be your new definition of success: Not what looks good on paper, but what feels true in your heart. That’s where your freedom lives and where your joy is waiting.
With love and truth,
Raychi
